Withering
by OnceABlueMoon
Summary: Marie's not the kind of woman who waits for a man who will never come.
1. Chapter 1: Rose dead

**Withering**

 **Summary:** Marie's not the kind of woman who waits.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Attack on Titan

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Rose dead**

Marie's not the kind of girl who expects things to get done on their own. She rolls up her sleeves and gets to work, no dilly-dallying. It's one of the many reasons why Erwin's well-guarded heart was pried from his chest, no-nonsense, as if it happened every day. If she hadn't looked him in the eye and told him: ''Be with me or let me go,'' she wouldn't have been the woman he loved.

Erwin likes choices and he knows he can't bring himself to wed in a world like this. A world he can leave at any moment- torn away, mashed like the potatoes Marie enjoys so much by a Titan maw sixteen times his own size. He's seen it happen to the families of men and women who were eaten before his eyes too many times. He won't do that to his own family. And he wouldn't lie to Marie either.

''And that's why I like you,'' she said, ''You're honest when it comes down to it.'' The cheery, earnest tone didn't fit her sad expression at all. But she womaned up, composing herself. Eyes gliding over his face, she took his arm and stood on her tippy toes, kissing him on the cheek lightning quick. ''Goodbye.''

And then she left. Forever.

He loved her for not waiting, but goddamn, it hurt.

(He's not the kind of man who can bear giving his life for the state when he's got a family at home, and she's not the kind of woman who waits for a man who will never come. And oh, they were beautiful, for as long as it lasted. A flower, blooming one season, doomed to die.

A plant not watered does not flower again, roots shriveling up.

Wither, they did.)

* * *

 _Well I'm so far away  
That each step that I take is on my way home  
A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night  
Just to see through this payphone  
Still I run out of time_

 _For tonight I sleep in a bed of nails_

\- Bon Jovi, Bed of Roses

* * *

 **Author's note**

When I read Idyll by the awesome queensmooting on ao3, I got into my intense Marie/Erwin/Nile love triangle feels again. And I couldn't help but write! Check the fic out if you want, it's Erwin/Levi visiting Nile and Marie (plus the adorable kids!) in their home, and it's so adorable and touching and it gave me all the feels!


	2. Chapter 2: Rose red

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Attack on Titan

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Rose red**

Nile proposes to Marie with a red rose. It might sound strange, a Military Police member using the emblem of the Garrison Regiment, but nothing suits them better.

If he were to divide his life into two parts, the first half would be named for Erwin and the second would be called Marie.

Erwin, blazing words and fiery spirit, a dream within a dream hidden underneath stoic features. A glimpse of truth, a shimmer of heart, Erwin is a mystery and yet clear as the cloudless night sky. And Nile… Nile has been enraptured since day one.

His aching legs are lighter when he's next to Erwin, with his calming tone and bushy eyebrows. The blond is intelligent- so bright the world lights up whenever he speaks. They are attached at the hip, side by side day and night, desperate for company that understands. Understands what it is like to question. Understands what it is to always be the one who makes the joke, makes the connection, no one else seems to get.

Nile had many playmates throughout his childhood, but Erwin Smith is without a doubt his first friend. His only one.

Erwin, with his ice blue eyes, burning like no fire Nile has ever seen rage before. Like he's going to torch his path straight through, to the truth, to the world, to _humanity_ as it truly is. Like he's going to leave only charred remains and smoldering ashes behind. Nile can't resist being part of it, pulled in like a magnet.

Erwin is a part of him so deeply engrained it can't be ejected, not even if Nile wanted to dislodge it.

Erwin gives people wings, lets them fly like birds in the sky on the pure power of belief.

They stumble into a bar like all young soldiers do. And with a: ''Sit down or budge over,'' they meet Marie. For the first time in his life, Nile begins to doubt. Not Erwin, because he loves Erwin, his best mate, the one he will never betray. But Marie is there, with her carmine curls, bright smile and, when they are doing something stupid again, her hands on her waist, cussing them out.

The sway of her skirt, the prominent moles on her jaw, her hawk eyes following their movements- not ever letting them charm their way out of trouble. And Erwin is incredible at beguiling people. But still, she has a cuppa ready for them whenever they had a hard day, and it warms Nile's insides to the point where he is certain he's going to burst.

It's no wonder they both fall in love with her.

It rankles, though, watching Erwin look down so lovingly, Marie's head resting on his shoulder, fast asleep. Erwin's green cloak goes so prettily with Marie's red locks, but Nile is so green with jealousy that he's sure he compliments her more.

And he does, as it turns out.

(Erwin turned around. Erwin turned around and hurt Marie. Or perhaps, Marie hurt him. It didn't matter to Nile because he was bitter and angry and Marie wasn't his and Erwin wasn't either, and God, the transition between the first and the second half of his life was definitely the worst)

Erwin and Marie are over- though saying they were over would imply there had been something to begin with. And there hadn't been. …Right? (Sleepless nights in which both of them disappeared said otherwise, but who is Nile to argue?)

And one day, she looks up and says: ''Okay.''

''Okay what?''

She cocks her hip to the side, hand already on it, and raises an eyebrow, sucking her cheeks in. ''Really, Nile? Are we playing dumb today?''

The bar smells like beer, old men and candle wax, covered in at least a year's worth of grime and dirt, but Nile would take it over the finest place in town because she's here, and that is all he wants.

She is all he wants.

(Nile is the Walls and Marie grows through the cracks Erwin left like a rose, so red with love that it drips and spreads in a way blood never could)

The next day, he submits his transfer papers from the Survey Corps to the Military Police and ignores Erwin's questioning gaze when he slips back into the barracks. He can't bear to look him in the eye, so every time he sees a flash of blond hair around the corner, he turns the other way and runs. Erwin's jaw becomes tighter with every glimpse he gets, until the blond erupts like a vulcano at last.

They're on the practice field, boots covered in mud and sopping wet from the rain, when Erwin grabs Nile by the arm, fingers clenching painfully ( _desperately_ , Nile's mind whispers, _look what you've reduced this magnificent creature to_ ) around it.

''What's going on?''

Nile rolls his eyes. ''Oh, the usual business.''

He wrenches his arm out of Erwin's grasp, lifts his blades, practices on. And waits. Waits. Waits until a piercing glare burns into his back (fire, because when is Erwin anything but a blaze to Nile?), and he can't pretend that Erwin hasn't found out. Can't help but throw a stray glance over his shoulder. The look of utter betrayal on the blond's face sets off all the alarms: Flee, run while you still can! It echoes through his head.

Nile can take a fight- but he can't take Erwin when he has actually hurt the man who lets so few people see past his mask. But before he can succumb- to either reassuring Erwin or the urge to flee, Erwin crashes the party.

''We were going to do it together, Nile!''

''Sometimes people change their minds.''

''And sometimes people abandon their friends, apparently!''

The inferno in his red-rimmed eyes exhausts Nile. ''I want a family, Erwin, and the Survey Corps can't give me that.''

Erwin rears back as if Nile has punched him in the face and Nile's chest contorts. But it's too late. The part of his life wholly possessed by Erwin is over, and there is no getting it back.

Erwin gives people wings, lets them fly like birds in the sky, but bird bones are hollow, and so are the Wings of Freedom. You better be an empty cup if you belong to the Survey Corps- those with nothing to lose, willing to sacrifice everything, are the only ones who last there (Requirements: red blood, pink flesh and a crimson heart to be torn apart. Filled with rage, ready to be thrown away and shattered, your corpse walked upon by your comrades in order to survive).

He's a coward, a deserter, but a deserter who will live.

He turns around and walks away, leaving the man who was his world, once upon a time, behind. Towards the woman who loves them both, just as they both love her.

He might not be Erwin, but he's the man who loves Marie enough to leave his dream for her, and Erwin will never be able to compete with that (Erwin can never close his eyes to the suffering in the world. Neither can Nile, but he's willing to try in order to keep his own life peaceful. He's a selfish man and has never pretended to be otherwise. Still, the words ring void).

He proposes with a red rose because the Wings of Freedom are hollow and the horn of the Military Police rotten, but a rose? A rose is an honor those who protect the people wear upon their breast, right over their heart. Nile might have nothing to do with them, but they protect Marie.

And God, Nile loves the woman.

* * *

 _As I dream about movies  
They won't make of me when I'm dead_

 _With an ironclad fist I wake up and  
French kiss the morning  
While some marching band keeps  
Its own beat in my head  
While we're talking  
About all of the things that I long to believe  
About love and the truth and  
What you mean to me  
And the truth is baby you're all that I need_

-Bon Jovi, Bed of Roses

* * *

 **Author's note**

Nile's unrequited crush on Erwin was not intended, but once it was there I ran with it anyway- I can't write love triangles without getting OT3 feels, apparently. I'm writing a cracky AU of this story in which the OT3 does happens, and a serious version in which there's actual contemplation of what that would mean for cannon.


	3. Chapter 3: Rose bed

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Attack on Titan

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Rose bed**

Erwin attends their wedding, and while Marie addressed invitations herself, seeing him somehow comes as a surprise.

Erwin loves nothing more than what he can't have. Marie has known this for a long time, and it has yet to cease being the truth.

Falling in love with her only proves her right: Erwin decides he's not going to have a family, the first thing that happens is a pretty girl walking by and Erwin's jaw dropping lower than his underpants.

Okay, maybe she's not being fair, but Marie rarely cares about fair play. It's simply not practical- and Marie is nothing if not pragmatic. Erwin is a smooth talker, a charmer, big smile, big show, big business and a terribly lonely heart. He guards it jealously, like a dragon coiling around its hoard.

Marie knows his kind- the ones who will sacrifice. But to this extent?

She should've listened to her mother on that aspect: ''Never help yourself to a selfless bloke; those sorts turn into sacrificial lambs. Besides, a doormat isn't any fun to stomp on.''

And while Marie and her mother fought like cats and dogs while the elder was still alive, she'd given Marie some damn good advice there.

It's funny how it ended up, actually, with Marie marrying Nile, because when she first saw them (Tall 'n Blond and Dark 'n Handsome. Two glasses of water walked into a bar…) she assumed they were together. Everyone called them ''NileandErwin,'' as if they were one entity, though Marie only found out about the name shortly after she met them. At first glance, all she had seen were two men sitting a little too close for it to be entirely platonic. She didn't mind either way- just slid into the booth next to them, looking for good company. They certainly seemed fun. But when they kept coming back, slapping each other on the back when it should've been a hand sliding into the back pocket, it began to dawn on her that, no, they weren't in a relationship.

It was a strange revelation- filled with hope, and… Disappointment? She wasn't sure. She wound up with a lump in her throat either way.

It disappeared quickly once Erwin turned his baby-blues on her (and really, Marie? Goddamnit, sure, nice guy, intelligent and so freaking passionate, but _really?!_ ) and it made her pull her hair out of frustration. Erwin's laugh, Erwin's eyes, Erwin's wit and Erwin's skies. Everything was always so blue with him- and sadly, so was Marie.

Erwin is a bird, soaring in the sky, and Marie, for all of her talents, can't fly like he does. Erwin's avian nature didn't make a relationship impossible, mind you. Marie is a land-dweller, not a fish. They breathe the same air. The only thing keeping them apart was the question of whether or not he would return to her whenever he rested his wings.

But Erwin soars and soars, rises higher and higher, wants to reach the sky's limit and go beyond. And Marie wants him to. God, she wants him to make all those beautiful dreams come true, but the place beyond the horizon is so far away she isn't sure if he will ever reach it. And he won't stop flying until he does.

(Once, Marie smashed teacups against the wall, fragile porcelain with rose decorations shattering at the impact. The shards rained down, but the clattering didn't drown out the memory of her mother's coffin. The remnants are still hidden in the back of her closet- as if her mother can appear around the corner to scold her for it at any moment. It was one of the few traces of her childhood she spared.

If Erwin doesn't fly, he will break like her mother's china.)

Erwin won't break his wings for her, and Marie doesn't want him to.

They part ways.

(And if every step that takes her farther away from him hurts like she's walking on broken glass, she'll just have to put her big girl pants on and bear it like the woman she knows she is)

It is only when her skin is sliced into like butter to the knife, that she notices the festering wound Nile sports. It's glaringly obvious now she isn't blinded by her own feelings for Erwin anymore. NileandErwin isn't romantic, but half the duo is certainly enamored enough for it.

He's hurt and jealous and the stench of resentment surrounds him like he's doused himself in an entire bottle of Eau de Kill Me Now. Especially when she discovers those eyes were not only turned to Erwin.

She laughs long, hard and bitter. Nile is so human, brimming with insecurities, so open where Erwin is closed. He wears his sins on his sleeve like a man confessing, as if forgiveness will make him happy when he knows it won't. He's all dark hair, pale skin, eyes glinting in the firelight, biting sarcasm and so, so soft. So sweet.

And Marie falls again, like a feather floating down to the ground.

When she reaches out, Nile takes her hand and it's more than she could ever ask for.

Erwin will have a piece of her heart forever, but Nile… To Nile Marie will offer up the rest on a silver platter, in return for his. He'll treasure it- it will be safe with him, as his will be safe with her.

Erwin wears his uniform to their wedding, the Wings of Freedom settled on his heart. Marie sees him in the back of the crowd, smiling, his eyes shiny with what must be tears, but she turns around and takes Nile's hand.

Let Erwin have his obsession. She wishes him the best of luck, but she has built a home and Nile, not Erwin, is willing to live in it.

She has a garden to tend to.

* * *

 _I want to lay you down on a bed of roses  
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails  
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is  
And lay you down on a bed of roses_

Bon Jovi, Bed of Roses

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 **Author's note**

Thanks to the lovely I.W.P-chan, who once again cheered me on while writing this! And to the sweet Adrinette4Life too!

The summary of the _Bed of Roses_ series' the next instalment: Marie is done with Erwin's angst fest and Nile's pining. Don't they know trios are a thing these days?

It will be an AU on Withering in which Erwin does return Nile's feelings and Marie subsequently sees Chances. (It also considerably funnier than this. Kinda cracky, even XD)

I also have ideas for a third installment in which a more serious contemplation of what the three of them being in a relationship would mean for canon.

I hope you enjoyed it!


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